I told all my friends and family I was mugged when I was in college. Had the bruises and missing wallet to prove it. But the truth is I was really drunk and fell down a flight of stairs. I was too embarrassed to say.
I found an actor on IMDB that I resembled, memorized his credits, went to a strip club, informed the first stripper i saw that I was said actor, then proceeded to date this stripper for two months, the whole time pretending to be this actor.
When I was in college I lived above a bar (of course) and one night I crashed my car and it was so expensive to fix I told my parents someone must have hit the car when they were leaving the bar drunk.
I met a chic one night on a friends limo ride for her b-day. By the end of the night I was banging her in the back of a Hummer Limo in front of a bar with a balcony. When I was finished I found out she was 19 and I was 27, but I couldn’t remember her name. So I asked for her number and how to spell her very common name. Not really pertaining to your blog, but a good story none the less.
In high school, I was seeing a guy and we had an ‘oopsie’ scare. I missed my period, and naturally he stopped calling and if I managed to track him down somewhere, I would hear him say ‘tell her I’m not here’. I did get my period after a late scare, but he didn’t know it. I decided to do something really nice for his birthday in return. His birthday was around father’s day, and seeing as how his father abandoned him as a child I came up with something extra sweet for him. I put together a list of supplies: chicken livers, ziplock baggies, beef blood, a nice silver box, blue ribbon, and a card. Then I packaged it like so: chopped a liver or two up, put it in a ziplock, put in a bit of the beef blood, and zipped it shut. Then, I put an extra special message in the card, and wrapped the bag up in tissue with the card on top. Blue ribbon tied to perfection, and left it on his doorstep a few days before his birthday when I knew he was out of town. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he opened the box, saw the bag and read the card: “Happy Father’s Day, Love Your Son. Glad I could come see you.
I was labeled a ‘psycho’ but it was well, well worth it.
I had gotten picked up by a co-worker to goto work, and received a phone call from my girlfriend, who I live with, who was faking that her father suffered a heart attack in the early hours of the morning. I pretended to be upset and hurt, while trying to “calm her down”. I had my co-worker pull over to the nearest gas station so I could get out and have my girlfriend pick me up since this was such an emergency. She was following us the whole time, as my co-worker left the scene, she picked me up, we bought a fat bag of reefer and began the wake and bake at 7:30am.
(This was just one of many reasons I will be going to hell when I pass)
I once wrote on an away message that I was “playing with candy”. My girlfriend at the time called me out and asked me what that meant, I told her I was organizing M&M’s to their color, and than eating them. I was really playing with this chick candices’ fun bags. 2 months later, got caught in the worst of ways, got dumped and proceeded to keep playing with Candy.
Good times…
My longtime boyfriend has this fantasy of doing it with two girls at once, and every time he brings it up, I laugh it off and tell him he’s gross for wanting a threesome. But the truth is I have the same fantasy…the only thing holding me back is I don’t want to share him with another girl
I had to miss my aunt’s funeral because of an Organic Chemistry final and an English paper, but I was really tripping on shrooms at a Daft Punk show.
I told all my friends and family I was mugged when I was in college. Had the bruises and missing wallet to prove it. But the truth is I was really drunk and fell down a flight of stairs. I was too embarrassed to say.
I found an actor on IMDB that I resembled, memorized his credits, went to a strip club, informed the first stripper i saw that I was said actor, then proceeded to date this stripper for two months, the whole time pretending to be this actor.
my wedding vows… oops…
When I was in college I lived above a bar (of course) and one night I crashed my car and it was so expensive to fix I told my parents someone must have hit the car when they were leaving the bar drunk.
I met a chic one night on a friends limo ride for her b-day. By the end of the night I was banging her in the back of a Hummer Limo in front of a bar with a balcony. When I was finished I found out she was 19 and I was 27, but I couldn’t remember her name. So I asked for her number and how to spell her very common name. Not really pertaining to your blog, but a good story none the less.
In high school, I was seeing a guy and we had an ‘oopsie’ scare. I missed my period, and naturally he stopped calling and if I managed to track him down somewhere, I would hear him say ‘tell her I’m not here’. I did get my period after a late scare, but he didn’t know it. I decided to do something really nice for his birthday in return. His birthday was around father’s day, and seeing as how his father abandoned him as a child I came up with something extra sweet for him. I put together a list of supplies: chicken livers, ziplock baggies, beef blood, a nice silver box, blue ribbon, and a card. Then I packaged it like so: chopped a liver or two up, put it in a ziplock, put in a bit of the beef blood, and zipped it shut. Then, I put an extra special message in the card, and wrapped the bag up in tissue with the card on top. Blue ribbon tied to perfection, and left it on his doorstep a few days before his birthday when I knew he was out of town. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he opened the box, saw the bag and read the card: “Happy Father’s Day, Love Your Son. Glad I could come see you.
I was labeled a ‘psycho’ but it was well, well worth it.
I had gotten picked up by a co-worker to goto work, and received a phone call from my girlfriend, who I live with, who was faking that her father suffered a heart attack in the early hours of the morning. I pretended to be upset and hurt, while trying to “calm her down”. I had my co-worker pull over to the nearest gas station so I could get out and have my girlfriend pick me up since this was such an emergency. She was following us the whole time, as my co-worker left the scene, she picked me up, we bought a fat bag of reefer and began the wake and bake at 7:30am.
(This was just one of many reasons I will be going to hell when I pass)
One more…
I once wrote on an away message that I was “playing with candy”. My girlfriend at the time called me out and asked me what that meant, I told her I was organizing M&M’s to their color, and than eating them. I was really playing with this chick candices’ fun bags. 2 months later, got caught in the worst of ways, got dumped and proceeded to keep playing with Candy.
Good times…
My longtime boyfriend has this fantasy of doing it with two girls at once, and every time he brings it up, I laugh it off and tell him he’s gross for wanting a threesome. But the truth is I have the same fantasy…the only thing holding me back is I don’t want to share him with another girl
Last summer I cheated on my wife of 9 years. With her father.